Jasmine Hart

Critique five of five. Haha. This made me smile. I'd change "fill" to "swell" for the sake of the rhyming scheme. Not as precise, I'll admit, but I think it ...

Critique four of five. This was amazing. I love your imagery. Was this originally part of a story or a play? Admittedely, I prefered Glitter's section. I loved the imagery, ...

Critique three of five. I really liked this. Your imagery was brilliant. The first stanza is great. I think I'd omit "the" as it delays the beginning, and I don't ...

Critique two of five. This one is very short, so there's only so much I can say here. I apologise for that, I just chose this one as you said ...

Ok, critique one of five, as promised! Firstly, this was really fresh and original. I loved the theme, and you told the story well. In the first stanza, I think ...

Hahaha. This was brilliant! I'd omit "like" before "a crab gone dry", for the sake of the rhythm. Actually, now that I'd change that to: "Your flaky shell, A crab ...

This was really powerful. I'll try not to echo what's already been said... For some reason, I expected line two to rhyme with line four, and was surprised when it ...

I really liked this. The tone was perfect and it flowed well. I think that the rhythm is off in places. I hope you'll excuse my experimentation here, it will ...

I thought that this was really great. It flowed very well, and you exercise mastery over language.I love how you express yourself. I'd change "the preciousness we've guarded" to "the ...

I agree with Suzanne. I'd try shwoing, rather than telling. Use imagery and characters instead of direct statements. Now that I've said that, I'll look at this as a piece ...

I loved the first one, which I have just read, and can't fault, and this is just as good.You handle language skillfully and the scene which you create is very ...

This was nice and concise. I'd use punctuation, and change "can'" to "can't." I think that you could go deeper with this, and make it fresher. Maybe try playing with ...

Your imagery is beautiful, and I liked the ending. I think that the second line is too long. Try reading this aloud to get a better sense of the rhythm. ...

This is really cute. I'd say "all his friends" in the last line of the first stanza for the sake of the rhythm. I liked the part about thebaked crabs, ...

This is nice, and you make your point effectively. The first stanza is really great and to the point. Your rhythm goes a bit off after this stanza. I'd try ...